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Carlos had been working on a promotion for nearly a year and hadn’t been as attentive to Sophie as he worked the corporate channels to secure a more senior level position.
The performance review with Rachel did not go as Sophie expected. In fact, it ended early at Sophie’s request. Rachel began with a relatively incomplete picture of Sophie’s project work from the past year, which immediately put Sophie on the defensive, trying to bring all of her accomplishments to the table without sounding desperate. Following that, Rachel discussed several opportunities for Sophie’s professional growth, something Carlos had never done during the performance evaluation. Rachel was direct and professional, but between being in the formative stages of their relationship (they’d not yet met in person) and with receiving incomplete acknowledgement of her achievements and what felt like a laundry list of areas for improvement, Sophie was in full-on flight mode. Her defenses were up and she was simply unable to listen to Rachel and comprehend what she was saying.
“Rachel,” Sophie interjected when there was a natural pause in the conversation, “could we stop for today and continue my review tomorrow or later this week?”
“Oh,” Rachel responded, sounding surprised. “Is everything okay?”
“No,” Sophie replied. “Everything’s not okay. You’ve shared some feedback that I wasn’t expecting, and I don’t feel like you have a full picture of my accomplishments for the year. I’m feeling very defensive right now.”
“Well, I’m just about to get to the good stuff now,” Rachel responded.
“Frankly, I don’t think I could even absorb the good stuff right now,” Sophie replied. And that’s how they’d left the discussion.
Sophie’s mind spun as she grappled with the incomplete list of accomplishments, fair but unexpected criticism, and that she’d just prematurely ended the conversation. She wondered if she’d done the right thing.
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This chapter discusses receiving and giving performance feedback both in the context of annual performance evaluations and in exchanges of critical and constructive continuous feedback outside of a formal process. Performance evaluation conversations are one of the most potentially high-impact conversations that can occur between employee and supervisor all year. Employees are provided with benchmark data about their performance and can make positive changes based on what they learn, especially if the feedback is delivered well. On the other hand, when feedback is not shared sensitively, it may result in hurt feelings, mistrust, gossip, lack of engagement, and turnover. Addressing opportunities for improvement is imperative; not doing so allows poor performance to continue and negatively affects organizational culture.
Ongoing feedback throughout the year is just as important, perhaps more so. But when supervisors and managers feel uncomfortable about delivering that feedback, they often avoid holding those conversations. This chapter provides tools and techniques for more easily initiating these exchanges. The techniques are equally useful whether you’re providing downward, upward, lateral, or crossfunctional feedback. Whether you supervise others or not, you need to be capable of both delivering and accepting constructive criticism. We all do. And we need to be good listeners. Listening is at the heart of giving and receiving feedback. This chapter examines the conditions that must be met in the brain and the conversation so that feedback can truly be heard.
We will examine performance evaluation feedback from both the perspective of the manager who is providing the feedback and the employee who is receiving the feedback. While presumably everyone is in the latter category (even CEOs receive feedback from their boards), and only some are in the former category, it is still helpful for those who are not supervisors, or not yet supervisors, to understand the process of giving feedback. When you have some appreciation for what is occurring on the other side of the desk, you may view the entire conversation differently.
RECEIVING PERFORMANCE FEEDBACK
As we have learned from previous chapters, when the sympathetic nervous system is not overly aroused, when fear is at bay and the creative and innovative juices are flowing (in other words, the prefrontal cortex is online), people are more able to connect with and listen to others in a meaningful way. That’s exactly the state of mind you want to be in when you are having your performance evaluation conversation with your manager.
The context of an annual performance review is trigger enough for some employees to become defensive before they’ve even entered their manager’s office for the review meeting. If that describes you, you must do some work before that meeting to get yourself into a more receptive state of mind. Review the concepts in Chapter 4 to create some emotional distance and get yourself in a state of mind where you can be receptive to new information and information that may differ with your perceptions of your performance. To the extent possible, avoid urgent, upsetting, or difficult situations just prior to your review so that you can arrive on time, in a calm state, and ready to discuss your successes and challenges. Coming to the conversation free and clear of distractions will help both you and your manager in holding this critical conversation and getting the most from it.
In addition to coming to the conversation in a calm and open state of mind, come prepared by having reviewed both your self-evaluation and your manager’s evaluation of your performance. A word about each of these is in order. In most organizations, employees are asked to complete a self-evaluation of their work for the previous year, including accomplishments, setbacks, and opportunities for improvement. The more realistic and comprehensive you are as you complete this task, the easier the conversation will go. That realism includes not just acknowledging your setbacks and opportunities, which some people have a tendency to minimize.
It also includes clearly and specifically outlining your accomplishments. Some employees underplay their accomplishments, thinking that they don’t want to be boastful or that their manager “just knows” about all their successes. Assume your manager does not know everything. Your manager is a busy person and he or she may have forgotten some of your smaller accomplishments (and sometimes your big ones too). Don’t take it personally. Remember that they are human and that means they are prone to error just like everyone else. Your manager may have many direct reports to keep track of. So come prepared by having done a fair and accurate self-assessment. And if for some reason, your organization does not formally request that you do this as part of the evaluation process, do it yourself and share it with your manager.
Secondly, in most organizations, your manager will have prepared a written review of your performance for the year and shared it with you in advance of your performance evaluation meeting. Take the time to review that document in advance of the meeting. If there is feedback you weren’t expecting, it will serve you well to have your initial reaction to that new information prior to the meeting with your manager. You might feel surprised, angry, frustrated, righteous, indignant, or have any number of other reactions to your manager’s written comments. Having those reactions in front of your manager will not show you in your most professional light. Best to have that initial reaction away from your manager and as far before the meeting as possible.
The Meeting (Employee’s Perspective)
How you carry yourself during the meeting can have an impact on how you are perceived as a professional. If you can calmly discuss areas for improvement without getting defensive or becoming overly emotional, your professionalism will be appreciated and noticed. Awareness of your default reactions to constructive and critical information can help you manage your emotions better during the meeting. For example, when constructive feedback is shared with you, do you typically get defensive? Angry? Indignant or righteous? Prone to tears? Or do you check out of the conversation, perhaps smiling on the outside while seething on the inside? The more awareness you have of your default reaction, the better you will be able to manage that reaction if it does occur.
Throughout the conversation, maintain a stance of object
ive inquiry (see Chapter 6). When you hear feedback that is unexpected, critical, constructive, or otherwise difficult for you to hear, make sure you know precisely what it means. Ask questions, ask for examples of your behavior, and ask what success looks like. Then, take note of any gaps. When you hear something you weren’t expecting, take a curious stance rather than a defensive stance and ask for an example. You might say something like, “Hmm, I wasn’t aware that I do that. Can you give me a specific example so I can think about it more carefully and pay attention to similar situations in the future?” Then, get ready to take notes. You might get defensive when you hear the example or the specifics of the feedback. Taking notes can help you put some emotional distance between the feedback and your response to it. It also gives you a reason to look down at your notebook and avoid making eye contact, which can help if you are struggling to remain composed.
Be prepared in the event you do get defensive in the meeting. It happens sometimes, despite the best attempts for it not to. Remember that it is okay to take a break during the meeting. It is perhaps a bit unconventional but perfectly acceptable for you to tell your manager that you’ve heard some surprises and that you are feeling defensive. Stating that you’d like to take a break and come back to the meeting in a less defensive state, as Sophie did at the beginning of this chapter, will demonstrate maturity and self- awareness on your part. On the other hand, if you continue with the meeting in a defensive state, your defensiveness might be mistaken for belligerence, arrogance, or any number of perceptions that will likely not reflect well on you.
Filter for Coaching
It’s inevitable that you hear information about things you did wrong, or could do better. The person delivering the news could tear you down or build you up with constructive criticism. Even when you are aware of a shortcoming, it can be hard to hear it from another person. If you hadn’t recognized an error or inadequacy, the information can trigger your defenses very quickly. When you receive negative feedback, pause before reacting. It is okay for there to be some silence in the meeting and for you to reflect on what is being shared.
When you hear information that feels critical or constructive, consider that it is being shared to coach you toward overall improved performance rather than being punitive in nature. I call this filtering for coaching. As your brain sorts through the new information, assume a bias toward thinking that this information is being given to you from a generous place that will help you be a better employee. In short, remind yourself that this information is meant to coach you toward being a stronger contributor in the organization. Another way to think about this is to assume positive intent. Your manager means well and is working to convey important information that will help advance your career.
When you are given feedback or suggestions that you don’t agree with, which inevitably will happen, give your manager the benefit of the doubt and try them out. Consider that your manager sees your performance, your subject matter expertise, and your interactions with others from a different angle than you do. They may be shining a light on a blind spot for you. Try on their suggestions for doing things differently as if you were trying on a new pair of shoes. At first the shoes may feel stiff and uncomfortable, but after you walk in them a bit, you will be better able to determine whether they are a good fit for you. So too with constructive suggestions; they sometimes fit better than we expected them to.
As the meeting ends, recap any specific action items you’ve committed to doing or trying. They might come readily to mind or you may choose to request a follow up meeting for creating an action plan. In that case, you might say something like, “I’d like to meet again next week after I’ve had a chance to fully digest what we’ve talked about today. I want to put together an action plan to address the opportunities we discussed and I’d like to get your feedback on that. How about I put some time on your calendar for next week for us to have that conversation?”
Finally, thank your manager for their frank feedback and let them know that you’ve not only heard the feedback but that you’ve heard the spirit with which they shared it (provided you feel like they are coming from a place that has your best interests in mind). At the end of this chapter is a checklist to follow as you prepare for your review.
GIVING PERFORMANCE FEEDBACK
Much like the employee receiving the feedback, you as the manager will want to come to the performance evaluation conversation free and clear of any emotional distractions. Remember, those distractions may have nothing to do with the employee (i.e., family or personal situations, organizational politics, your own performance review) or they may have everything to do with the employee (how you think they are going to react, how they reacted last year, etc.). It can help if you develop a routine or ritual that puts you in a clear and positive state of mind before all of your performance evaluation meetings. Review some of the clearing techniques from Chapter 4 to help ensure that you bring your very best to the conversation, in service to the individual employee, the work team they are part of, and the organization.
Recall too, that some employees may be predisposed toward defensiveness and may arrive at the meeting tense and on edge. As the manager, it is your job to read the nonverbal and social cues that your employees project during the review meeting and account for them in the conversation. If an employee seems particularly nervous or upset before you’ve even begun, address that and try to make them feel at ease before continuing. It might sound something like this, “I know these conversations can be awkward sometimes. Nobody particularly likes to hear what they could be doing better. I feel the same way when I have my meeting like this with my boss.
My aim here is to have an open, honest conversation with you that has your best interests and the company’s best interests in mind. How does that sound?” Of course, only say that you feel the same way in your performance evaluation if you actually do. If not, find another way to show vulnerability and make the employees feel at ease. By being vulnerable, you help to off-set the difference in power between the two of you and put the employee at ease. Whatever example you choose, make sure it is authentic.
Throughout the conversation, focus on reading the mind in the eyes of the employee. The more social sensitivity you have in the conversation, the easier it will be for the employee to hear what you have to say, especially the critical and constructive parts. If an employee seems to be getting defensive, it is perfectly okay to take a break in the conversation. Excuse yourself to go to the restroom or get a glass of water. There is no need to call attention to the employee’s defensiveness unless they are having an extreme reaction (i.e., crying or shouting). In that case, it is perfectly okay to say, “Let’s continue this conversation tomorrow. It’s important that we have a frank discussion about this and that will be easier if we have a fresh start.” Above all, avoid placing blame on the employee for having a reaction. Allow them to save face. Otherwise, they may have an even more intense reaction (i.e., become angrier or more defensive and even less receptive to your feedback).
There are two avoidable missteps managers often make when it comes to performance review conversations: being ambiguous and failing to provide enough information, particularly as it relates to critical and constructive feedback.
First, let’s look at ambiguity. Let’s suppose your employee’s attire is not as professional as your organization requires, specifically when meeting with clients. Some managers will say something along the lines of, “It’s important to look professional on days when our clients come to the office.” This is ambiguous and unhelpful. Do not assume that an employee would connect that remark with their specific attire. After all, they think their clothing choices are perfectly appropriate for the office, otherwise they would be making other choices. If you are not specific with them that you are referring to their exact clothing choice, they will simply nod in agreement and not change their behavior at all. Instead, be specific, such as, “On days when we have clients visiting the office, it is importan
t that you dress more professionally. Please consult the employee handbook after this meeting and review the dress code. Also, remember that all client meetings are scheduled in advance in the company calendar so you can look ahead to the next day to see if clients will be visiting and dress accordingly.”
If you are doing a good job of using your social sensitivity skills, as I’m sure you are, you might notice a blank look from your employee or an air of confusion. Don’t let that pass unnoticed. This is a perfect time to provide a specific example such as, “For example, last week we had a client in on Tuesday and you were wearing ripped jeans and a tee shirt.” Of course, an attentive manager would have addressed the situation on Tuesday as it happened rather than saving it up for the performance evaluation. Inevitably though, you will have an employee whom you have given feedback to in the moment but the requested behavior change did not occur. In that case, you will find yourself discussing it again at the annual performance evaluation.
The second misstep managers often make is not providing enough information. In most cases, the subject you are about to broach is one you’ve given considerable thought to, sometimes obsessively so. The employee, on the other hand, has likely not thought much about this topic, if at all. Sometimes this consideration, thinking and strategizing in advance of the meeting, results in managers having synthesized the issue. Accordingly, they may include insufficient detail for the employee to fully grasp the gravity of the situation. One senior leader I worked with, who was by nature very concise and who thought long and hard before bringing issues up with employees, regularly did not provide enough detail when sharing constructive feedback with his direct reports. He overlooked their need for concrete examples of the areas in which they could improve.
Next, we turn to look at the ratio of positive to negative feedback needed for optimal behavior change. A good place to begin is by assessing the employee’s level of expertise.