Head On Page 3

  When an individual is calm, the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline are routinely at lower levels, and the whole body, including the brain, functions well. When stress (e.g., a tight deadline at work) is introduced, the body and the brain respond with an elevated state of alertness. This elevated state of alertness assists in greater attention to detail, memory retention, and a heightened sense of urgency.7 Overall, people may be more creative, collaborative, connected, and innovative as a result of a slight rise in the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline.

  This translates to our communication, as well. Interpersonal communication may be more fluid, rational, and effective. Words may come more readily and precisely. This, for example, is why writers respond well to deadlines. The sense of urgency moves them from an abstract state where the neocortex is working through ideas, to a more concrete state of arousal where the cortex and the limbic systems prompt them to take action. Words are put down on the page. The writer enters a state of focused writing and the first draft gets completed.

  Essentially, when things get interesting (read: mildly stressful), the sympathetic nervous system is aroused. If the brain is well-rested, it uses that burst of hormones to create a little extra pressure and rise to the challenge.

  STRESS TO BOOST BRAINPOWER

  Research supports the idea that some stress is helpful in obtaining better outcomes at work. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology recently reported that “activating moods” (e.g., happy, elated, fearful, angry) led to more creativity and originality than “deactivating moods” (being sad, depressed, relaxed or serene).8 The researchers found people’s creativity levels went up when they felt positive, and their persistence levels increased when the emotional tone was negative. This is true only up to a point, however. When the valence or tone of the emotional state was too negative (e.g., furious, terrified), the sympathetic nervous system moved into survival mode and the prefrontal cortex shut down.

  It is critical for effective communication that we remain along the lower portion of the arousal continuum. When the brain is operating on the high end of the continuum in a state of fear or terror, the ability to regulate thoughts and emotions is significantly reduced and our ability to communicate well is compromised. Rather than sharing careful, well-reasoned responses, we react and shoot off our mouths, becoming both defensive of our own position and offensive, attempting to hurt the other person as a form of protection for ourselves. This is our primitive brain in action.

  When we understand that this is the basic hard wiring all humans are issued, it becomes easier to have compassion for a person who may be enraged and flying off the handle. To a certain degree, he or she can’t help it. (Of course, the more they practice the exercises outlined in Chapter 1, the more likely it is that they will be able to put some space between stimulus and response.)

  This understanding also provides significant motivation to keep from getting too far up the arousal continuum in conversation yourself, knowing that you will not be able to regulate your emotions and thoughts well, the higher you go. If you do move rapidly up the continuum, you may say things you later wish you hadn’t. Instead, you want to bring your best contribution to the conversation, including your best critical thinking and your best listening. You cannot do that when you are in a state of fear or terror. Biologically, it is impossible.

  Perhaps even more motivating is the notion that in preventing the person you are speaking with from getting to the higher end of the arousal continuum, you are helping them bring their best critical thinking and listening skills to the conversation. That way, they can participate fully. And, when addressing a difficult topic or situation, it is imperative for all parties to bring their best critical thinking skills and listening skills to the table if a well-reasoned conclusion or agreement is to be reached.

  Stress at Work

  Granted, it is not always easy to remain calm at work. A variety of workplace situations can lead to excessive stress, not to mention stressful situations outside of work that are with us on the job. When I conduct workshops, people tell me the following characteristics are the hallmarks of the most challenging situations and people they deal with:

  Intense emotions

  Defensiveness

  Denial

  Resistance

  Deceit

  Passive-aggressive behavior

  Manipulation

  Blaming

  Bullying

  Condescension

  Aggression

  Righteousness

  These are stress-inducing triggers to be sure!

  Additionally, when workloads are excessively high for long periods of time, an employee may regularly be operating in a stress-induced state of alarm or fear. Or, if managers or colleagues are disrespectful to their employees or counterparts, those people may experience feelings of fear and the consequent need to defend themselves. Likewise, passive-aggressive behavior may create a sense of alarm or fear for the people who are affected.

  If these and other negative behaviors are allowed to continue unchecked, the results are harmful to an organization’s culture, to employees’ productivity, and ultimately to the bottom line. As the body prepares for fight or flight, the brain may lose its ability to be creative, to collaborate, to connect with others, or to innovate.

  On the other hand, when communication is respectful and nonthreatening, those same brain receptors easily absorb new information and can process that new information with greater clarity, accuracy, and acumen. When stress levels are typically low to mid-range, the corresponding body and brain states encourage synthesis, new idea generation, and connection with other people. There are significant reasons to keep people in the low to mid-range on the arousal continuum, in terms of both getting the best work out of them and enabling them to communicate most effectively with colleagues and clients alike.

  In a relatively calm state, communication is dynamic and fluid and meaning is created almost effortlessly, even when differing opinions are at play. A sense of safety and security is a precursor for remaining in this state. If an individual is concerned that she may lose her job over a simple mistake, for example, she may be so fearful that she doesn’t bring her best thinking to her work. Indeed, she will be more likely to make the mistakes that will lead to her firing, thus completing a vicious circle. On the other hand, a sense of security brings with it the ability to more readily address difficult situations and topics, knowing that a free-flowing exchange of ideas may occur, without repercussion or retaliation.

  PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY

  That sense of security can be thought of as psychological safety in the workplace. Essentially, psychological safety means that an individual feels confident enough to take risks among their counterparts. Studies demonstrate positive outcomes for organizations with a high degree of psychological safety amongst their members. Research at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign found that when psychological safety was high, an organization was more likely to adopt process changes and innovations and have them remain sustainable over long periods of time.9 Additional research indicates that when psychological safety is high, employees can learn better from their mistakes, are more committed and engaged, and are more likely to bring innovative thinking to their work.10, 11

  A lack of psychological safety makes it harder for individuals to work well with others or exhibit a learning mindset, whereas a strong sense of psychological safety encourages a learning mindset and a willingness to speak up. Research by Dr. Abraham Carmeli and colleagues found that those who felt they had high-quality relationships with their colleagues also felt a higher level of psychological safety and were more likely to have higher levels of learning behavior.12 That is, there was a correlation between psychological safety and the ability to learn and contribute to a culture of learning within the company.

  Additionally, researchers Ingrid Nembhard and Amy Edmondson found that psychological safety was higher for individuals who had higher
professional status within their organizations.13 The researchers suggest that their senior positions create a sense of safety that enables them to speak up in the organization.

  Psychological safety is inextricably linked to our communication in the workplace. Being willing to speak up, especially on difficult topics, without fear of retribution or repercussion is of critical importance at work. In a psychologically safe environment, both employees and leaders are empowered to address tough situations head on, without creating feelings of alarm or terror in their colleagues. They’ll also be less likely to fear negative consequences for themselves, making them more likely to bring up complicated or challenging issues. Those issues, when solved, will have a positive impact on the organization. Left unspoken, uncomfortable or difficult situations often go from bad to worse. Rarely, if ever, do they resolve themselves.

  FROM ABSTRACT TO CONCRETE: PUTTING KNOWLEDGE INTO ACTION

  Let’s move from abstract thinking (calm, remember?) to concrete thinking (arousal) and discover how to implement the concepts discussed in this chapter. How can you take action on this information? How do you keep your own fear of threats in check? How do you communicate with others such that they retain their ability to regulate their emotions and thinking?

  As we discussed in the previous chapter, when you bring your awareness to something you can be more mindful and intentional about your responses to it. To develop increased awareness of how you respond to various stimuli, keep a log of your state of arousal on the continuum. Log events and note how you react to them on the arousal continuum. After you have at least a week’s worth of data, analyze the information. What trends are you able to identify? Which are the specific situations or people that cause your response to spike up the continuum, hampering your ability to think critically? Once you have identified any triggers, review the techniques at the end of Chapter 1 to develop additional mastery over your responses to those situations and people.

  As important as it is for you to be aware of and regulate your own responses, it doesn’t help if the other person responds with fear or terror. To prevent another person’s response from hijacking an effective interaction, try to conduct your conversations in a way that will keep their reactions on the lower part of the continuum.

  The best thing to ward off fear and terror in the mind of the other person is a strong relationship. When trust and respect are present and the relationship is sound, the other person will be less likely to have a knock-down-drag-out freak out on you. Determine the relative strength of your relationship with those who increase your state of arousal. If the relationship is not strong, set to work on shoring it up. With strong relationships in place, difficult situations are easier to handle.

  CONCLUSION

  In this chapter, we reviewed the effect stress has on our ability to communicate clearly and effectively. Although stress often gets a bad reputation, it is not without practical utility. Low to moderate amounts of stress heighten our awareness and bring our surroundings into crisp focus. We can connect, collaborate, and communicate easily with others. On the other hand, when we experience extreme stress, we no longer feel psychologically safe, our brain does not easily take in new information, and our ability to communicate effectively is hampered.

  In the next chapter, we will look more closely at the brain, including four distinct regions of the brain and their operation’s effect on optimal communication.

  EXERCISES

  #3: Your Inner Com pass

  We all have an inner compass that points us toward safety and away from danger. This week, listen closely to your inner compass. Who are the people and what are the activities that made you feel the most comfortable and safe? Who are the people and what are the activities that, this week, felt dangerous?

  Comfortable and safe:

  Dangerous:

  #4: Arousal Log

  Using the Arousal Continuum, for the next two weeks, log events that trigger alarm, fear, or terror. Recall that the higher you are on the continuum, the less regulation you have over your thoughts and emotions. Identifying situations in which it seemed like you had little emotional or thought regulation is a good place to start.

  Log the stimuli that prompted your arousal (what happened) as well as when the situation occurred and which state on the continuum you reached (alarm, fear or terror).

  Once you have two weeks of data, analyze your experiences for trends. Are there certain people or situations that are triggers? Which tools from this chapter will best help you control your emotional response?

  What happenedWhoWhenArousal state

  CHAPTER 3

  Inside the Brain: A CHOREOGRAPHY OF STIMULUS AND RESPONSE

  ”All ready for the board presentation tomorrow, Jason?” Heather asked as she joined her colleague waiting for the elevator.

  “What do you mean?” retorted Jason, a little more quickly and more harshly than he’d intended.

  Unbeknownst to her, Heather had struck a nerve with Jason. He’d been asked to present to the board of directors 18 months earlier and it did not go well. In fact, Jason had received harsh criticism about it from multiple people.

  Now, a year and a half later, he was invited back to present again. A chance at redemption is how he saw it.

  Jason’s sharp response to Heather, whose intent was merely to make small talk while they waited for the elevator, was governed by a primitive part of his brain designed to sense threats and provide protection. Accordingly, he reacted to Heather’s off-handed question as it were a threat to his self-concept rather than small talk. While Heather hadn’t meant to make him question his worth or his identity, he reacted from the part of his brain that was responsible for exactly that.

  ◆◆◆

  This chapter explains four evolutionarily distinct regions of the brain and how they react and interact when confronted with threatening or potentially threatening situations and consequently affect communication. As you will see, when these distinct “brains” are functioning in harmony, a careful and complex choreography allows us to express our best ideas, be of social and emotional support to others, reason and solve problems, create and innovate, and discuss challenging situations effectively.

  Each of the four regions plays a vital role in understanding threatening and potentially threatening situations and how we respond to them. From sensing stimuli to having an emotional reaction to using critical thinking skills and making decisions that require abstract thinking, all the regions of the brain are important and play a significant role in how we hold difficult conversations.

  THE RESPONSIVE BRAIN

  The first three of these four regions were initially proposed as the triune brain, or three-part brain, by Dr. Paul MacLean in the 1950s and 1960s.14 He proposed that as the human brain evolved over time, it “upgraded” itself to include functions that handled increasingly complex thought processes. MacLean hypothesized that these regions of the brain developed in bursts in our evolution. While that part of his theory remains in question, his description of the brain’s organization has endured the test of time. The triune brain structure is organized hierarchically, with survival instincts on the bottom and more abstract thinking on top. While contemporary experts in neuroscience may find this an oversimplified explanation of how the various parts of the brain work together, for our purposes, the regions MacLean identified hold value and shine a light on what is occurring before, during and after a difficult conversation.

  R-Brain

  Brian cringed every time his manager, Russ, stopped by his desk. Russ was a perfectionist and was easily angered when things weren’t perfect. Brian seemed to bear the brunt of his anger more than others on the team. It seemed to Brian that every time Russ stopped by, his purpose was to tell Brian about that latest round of things he’d done wrong. Consequently, Brian was self-conscious and worried much of the time, which resulted in more errors in his work. It also resulted in him shutting down when Russ came near.

  Brian’s R-brain
was running the show. The most primitive and first brain-in evolutionary terms-is what Dr. MacLean referred to as the reptilian brain or R-brain. The R-brain has much in common with the brains of modern-day reptiles (hence the name) and it regulates most autonomic functions like breathing, heart rate, and body temperature. This region of the brain is completely instinctual and focused on survival. It includes the amygdala, which we discussed in Chapter 1. MacLean proposed that this region of the brain is instrumental to human survival. Instinctual behaviors such as aggression, dominance, and territoriality originate in the R-brain and serve to ward off threats and provide safety. Some neuroscientists affectionately refer to the activities this part of the brain handles as the Four Fs: feeding, fighting, fleeing, and fornicating.

  In a difficult conversation, this is the part of the brain that assesses whether a threat is present. Thus, the R-brain’s job is to promote safety. Given that responsibility, the fight or flight response is invoked when threat is sensed, as described in Chapter 2. Brian’s brain assessed a threat every time Russ came near and his fear triggered a fight or flight response that caused him to run away or shut down.

  M-Brain

  Latoya, a vice president at a major information technology company, reflected on the most recent round of interviews she’d conducted for a managerial position that reported to her. The strongest candidate by far was someone who didn’t fit the typical career path leading to the role. Instead of a corporate background, this candidate was a professor. Latoya paused, wondering why this candidate was the best choice. While the pedigree of the candidate didn’t fit the corporate expectations, Latoya’s intuition kicked in and she knew that this was the right candidate, without a doubt.